The War of Art

Not to be confused with the Art of War by Sun Tzu. Resistance is the battlefield and our success is in our own hands.

Yesterday was a wash, not because I had a good excuse but because of resistance. I procrastinated all night and when I had the most time to execute my objective, I failed.

“Are you paralyzed with fear? That’s a good sign. Fear is good. Like self-doubt, fear is an indicator. Fear tells us what we have to do. Remember one rule of thumb: the more scared we are of a work or calling, the more sure we can be that we have to do it.” - Steven Pressfield

I like to tell myself that I'm afraid of failing. My whole life I pull on examples that I have made mistakes and say that it is those examples that make me fear repeating them but I don't think that is the whole truth. I think what I'm really afraid of is succeeding.

Sure there are examples in my life where I have failed and subsequently failed others that I regret but it is oneself that has to live with that and come to accept it. Success is an entirely different beast. Success amplifies failure. Failing your entire life is easy if you always fail because that is the norm. When you begin to succeed that is when expectations increase and the more you succeed the harder the fall will be.

My mother instilled the typical millennial philosophy upon me. I am capable of anything I put my mind to. I grew up being told this in both my public and private life so much that I still believe it to this day. What happens when I actually try, begin to gain momentum but ultimately fail at some point in the future, inevitably crushing the dogma that has led my mental fortitude my entire life? Is this just resistance talking?

“We fear discovering that we are more than we think we are. More than our parents/children/teachers think we are. We fear that we actually possess the talent that our still, small voice tells us. That we actually have the guts, the perseverance, the capacity. We fear that we truly can steer our ship, plant our flag, reach our Promised Land. We fear this because, if it’s true, then we become estranged from all we know. We pass through a membrane. We become monsters and monstrous.”

“. . . None of us are born as passive generic blobs waiting for the world to stamp its imprint on us. Instead we show up possessing already a highly refined and individuated soul. Another way of thinking of it is: We're not born with unlimited choices. We can't be anything we want to be. We come into this world with a specific, personal destiny. We have a job to do, a calling to enact, a self to become. We are who we are from the cradle, and we're stuck with it. Our job in this lifetime is not to shape ourselves into some ideal we imagine we ought to be, but to find out who we already are and become it.” - Steven Pressfield, The War of Art

Aaron

#Writing #Resistance #Fear #Creativity #Art